RadiateHope. : January 2013

On Christmas Eve, instead of going to a beautiful candlelight service and coming home to read “A Night Before Christmas,” I was in a hotel room watching the one TV channel available in English and eating chips from a shack down the road. And on Christmas morning, instead of waking up to the white snow covering the ground, I woke up to the sandy beach and crystal clear water of Thailand. And finally, while I usually would be resting after opening presents with family with “A Christmas Story” playing 24/7 in the background, I was looking for an internet signal so that I could Skype with a few family members and friends.

While it didn’t feel like that much of a sacrifice to be sitting on the beautiful sunny beach instead of at home in the snow, the reality of living in Thailand did hit me as I missed my family, friends, and Christmas traditions. Yet God blessed me immensely by sending my mom to me to celebrate Christmas, experience my life in Thailand, and simply to love me by spoiling me with nights at hotels with comfortable beds, cheeseburgers, and gifts from America.

So honestly…the reality of my first Christmas away from home hit me a bit later after I was back on my own, getting ready to start back at work. Actually, the reality of everything hit me…hard.

I wanted to go back to my nice Christmas vacation, laying in a hammock staring out at the ocean, forgetting about my daily life in Thailand.

Really, I just wanted to hide.

I wanted to hide from the darkness I feel as I walk down the street. I wanted to hide from the fact that there are thousands of girls and boys selling their bodies not far from me as I go to sleep at night, many of which have no choice. I wanted to hide from the fact that there are slums just walking distance away from where I live in my comparatively nice comfortable house. I wanted to shut my eyes and ears from the families sitting in prison, because they have been trafficked into Thailand and now stuck with no proper documentation and no country wanting to take responsibility.

And more than anything, I wanted to hide from the fact that I feel so hopeless in the midst of it all. I didn’t want to face the fact that I’ve been here for over 5 months now and still feel like there is so much more I could be doing.I wanted to close my eyes and escape the pain and and feelings of guilt.

But then God pointed me back to the cross….and spoke over me:

It is enough.

He is enough.

As we just celebrated: Jesus Christ, came as a baby to save this world of lost, broken, and hurting people. And His sacrifice is enough.

Do I always see the reason that I’m here? Do I always feel like I’ve made a difference or that I have a purpose here? No. But has God called me here? Yes.

And that is enough.

Let me share with you some of the ways we remembered that this Christmas season here in Pattaya: